When I was a kid, I used to pretend that I was hurt physically to get the attention of my parents. I loved how they care for me and how they would hug me so that my broken pieces would go back together. I loved how we would sing nursery rhymes in the car to cheer up a long, boring road trip. I loved how they would cuddle you to sleep and give you teddy bears that you once believe, “fight the monsters under your bed”. I used to brag to my friends how lucky I am with my family who “cares” for me; but as time passes by, things began to change.
Yes, I must admit, I have metathesiophobia.It is the fear of sudden change. I was distraught that, things would change because of my actions and that they wouldn’t bear the old, good memories I had in the past. I was anxious that when the world change, I would be left out and that I wouldn’t be able to adjust anymore. And that’s when over thinking kicks in, and as some says,
“monsters don’t sleep under your bed; they sleep inside your head”.
When you grow older, they expect you to be more independent and that they wouldn’t care anymore where it hurts, physically or worst, emotionally. You could only cry yourself to sleep or smile to avoid countless questions from the people who pretend to care. You began to build this castle like walls around your heart with a door to shut every one out. You began to grow cold so that no one can hurt you anymore. They say it’s part of “growing up”; but is this what we really wanted?
To tell you honestly, I want somebody to tell me that it’s okay not to be okay. I want them to destroy the walls I kept on building and pull me out of my comfort zone. I want somebody to notice that behind my smiles, I’m broken and torn to puzzle pieces. I want somebody to make me feel I’m not alone. I kept on wishing for things that I believe, “I do not have”. That’s when I realize that I was wrong all along.
We kept on building walls, blaming our pasts, blaming our mood swings, and blaming our phobias that we lost track of whom we really are and that somebody cares for us. It may seem that our parents blabber nonsense when we get home late and that we feel that our freedom is being taken away. But slap yourself and wake up to reality, they care about you and you’re that one taking them for granted. Have you ever asked them where it hurts? Or have you been a good child? If no, then how can you say they don’t care about you?
Everybody’s hurt somewhere in their hearts. Everybody needs company. Everybody feels lonely, but it’s part of life. Misunderstandings should be talked over instead of avoidance. You feel empty? Then make some friends and socialize. You feel unwanted? Then make the best out of your life that you’ll be needed by everyone. You’re stuck in the darkness? Then stand up, go out of your room, and see some sunlight. The world isn’t going to adjust for you. It may not be me or it may not be someone you expect, but somebody out there cares for you.